The Flash (2023)

 

Egad, what in the name of all that is comic book holiness was this? 

Let it be known that yours truly usually does not follow what the internet says about certain films, preferring to judge for myself. You never know, and shockingly sometimes the internet is wrong.

I know. You can take that to TikTok and its miasma of absolute nonsense.

But this one was painful to sit through: wildly unbalanced tonewise, grating characters and for a film with this budget it looks horrendous. 

It's been a while, but now Barry Allen is a member of the Justice League and gets to help people. It seems to usually be clean up a mess Batman's left behind. But Barry one night accidentally runs so fast he is transported to a room of sorts where it turns out he can travel back in time. 

You know: because he ran faster than light. 

Yeah, the science is a bit iffy and that's being generous.

In any case, Barry decides he really wants his mom who was brutally slain when he was a child. So he goes back and changes a small thing, thus making sure his mom is still alive. But of course, because of this minor change suddenly the entire world is different and when General Zod appears to conquer Earth, none of the Meta-Humans are even in existence. Together with his current version, Barry heads to Batman, who is an elderly hermit and they track down a Kryptonian in Siberia who turns out to be Kara Zor-El, the cousin of 'our' Super-Man as they want to stop Zod.

But wouldn't you know it? They can't, because Barry's mom is a nexus point in history and she has to die in order for everything to be back in order.

Yes, you see where this is heading.

There are so many things that have the potential to get up your tits with this one. For starters: Ezra Miller's Flash worked in the other films, because he wasn't always there and the forced comedy didn't grate as much. Here, he is the focal point and he is pretty bloody annoying most of the time. Heck, his otherdimensional double is even worse. Kara Zor-El is fine, but they don't do anything significant with her. But it has to be said: nostalgiawise it is brilliant to see Michael Keaton back as Batman, even if the callbacks are a bit on the nose. But that classic smirk beneath the mask is a sight for sore eyes. 

Michael Shannon as Zod is totally wasted, by the way. 

The most bizarre and offputting thing is in fact the horrendous CGI. For a film with this budget and such a big studio, it looks like dogturds polished to be bright and shiny. It really is thàt bad. The babies in the opening set piece? Yikes. Batman on his Batbike? Aaargh. The fight scenes? Wobbly and shittier than a 90s videogame cutscene and that's being generous. A few more weeks or months of polish couldn't be done, Warner Bros? That is solely on you, right there. 

The best scene is near the end, when Barry comes to grips with letting his mom go. Ezra Miller doesn't say much but emotes wonderfully and because Maribel Verdú is such a class act, this one scene speaks volumes. 

Just a shame you had to have nearly two hours of bloat and tedium for this. Oh, and the ending twist is a little funny, but only if you know the context of it all. 

'The Flash' is a hot mess, just like 'Wonder Woman 84'. It looks flashy, but lacks heart and conviction and just isn't any good.