Flash Gordon (1980)

 

Holy mother of colourful cheese, Batman! What we have here is probably thé prime example of what happens when you combine a 50s story but don't update it to the time it was made, add a plethora of great actors hamming it up, have a budget that isn't up to snuff for the vision yet you tell the art department to constantly go for broke.

And I love every insane minute of it.

Don't get me wrong: this is by no stretch of the imagination a 'good' film. But it is a highly entertaining one.

Obviously based on the Flash Gordon comics and serials, this one attempts to get the story to the 80s, but fails. Just making your lead a quarterback instead of a pilot and not changing any of the outdated language and concepts will do that for you.

But I digress.

Planet Earth is suffering freak weather and natural disasters. Only supposedly crazed scientist Han Zarkoff knows that Earth is under attack from a malignant extraterrestrial force. He has constructed a spaceship to get to the heart of the problem, but has no crew until Flash and Dale Arden crash their plane right into his conservatory.

Yes, that is exactly what happens.

Oh, and that mad scientist thing is forgotten as soon as they reach planet Mongo. 

They are captured by Ming, the dictatorial despot who rules over several kingdoms that all want to destroy him, yet never seem to manage working together. Flash is set to be executed, but the nymphomaniac daughter of Ming frees him and brings him to another lover, Prins Barin. Barin is a bit of a douche at first, but after battling it out in the Hawkmen's arena, they make a pact and join forces. Meanwhile, Zarkoff is supposedly brainwashed and Dale is prepped to marry Ming...

Yes, there is a shitload of stuff happening all at once and it makes the film gloriously chaotic. Flash and Dale's romance is also exceedingly fast and would only make sense in a 1930s comic, but they kept it the same here anyway.

Like I said: the story is all over the place and the film looks on the one hand incredibly cheap (the spaceships, the costumes) yet also insanely lavish and over the top (the sets, the costumes as well and just the overall aesthetic). I mean, Technicolor ran out of colours to adequately give you an idea of the hues of red, green, blue and everything in between. It's so darn flashy and rainbow-esque, My Little Pony thinks it's gaudy. Which is strangely part of the charm. 

And look at that stacked cast! Mostly heavy hitters, yet they all either are completely disinterested or they are swinging for the fences and hamming it up to eleven. Mostly the latter to be honest. But my personal favourite character of the bunch is Klytus, played unrecognisably by Peter Wyngarde, whose tone and phrasing make it clear he really does not want to be there, yet it makes him the funniest and most quotable character of the film. Of course, his dry wit and voice do help immensely. 

In any case: if you've never seen this film, you absolutely should, because it is a legendary oddball flick. 

If that doesn't convince you: it has Brian Blessed sporting wings and short leather swimming trunks.