One Million Years BC (1966)

 

Dinosaurs! Raquel Welch in a fur bikini!

Why are you still here and not running off to see this one? 

Well, maybe because it isn't a particularly good film, save for those two things. A shame really. I always wanted to love this one, but even as a child I found it rather dull. Can't win them all, I guess.

So, in a weird and totally fabricated past, we meet Tumak, a member of the Rock Tribe. His tribe are hunters and they are pretty hardcore, leaving behind wounded members and pretty much smashing each others faces in whenever they get the chance. Tumak is banished because he stood up to his father, the clan's leader. He roams the desert, encounters a few beasties before being found near the coast by a tribe of blonde people who have a more vegetarian and peaceful outlook on life. Beautiful Loana (Welch) instantly takes a liking to this - in essence - aggressive arsehat and they even manage to get banished from that tribe as well because Tumak is the aforementioned arsehat. But eventually he teams up with some members of the Sea Tribe to stand up to his evil brother who wants to violently take over the Rock Tribe. 

It ends with a volcanic eruption, earthquakes, most of the tribespeople dead and Tumak and Loana leading them to safety (supposedly) as the new parents of humanity. Or something along those lines.

Egad, is this film dull. If you cut out all the scenes of people randomly walking along, it would probably be about 40 minutes long. There are a few scenes in which animals are superimposed and blown up to giant size and they look rather iffy. The Ray Harryhausen stop motion looks gorgeous though, as it always does. There's more life in these creations than there is in the actual actors. And sure, Raquel Welch is a joy to gaze upon because damn, that woman puts the 'gor' in 'gorgeous'. But other than that? There is little to enjoy, alas. 

A similar film was made a little later called 'When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth' and while that one also has its share of issues, it is far more enjoyable to watch than this one. 

Watch for the dinosaurs and Raquel Welch, skip all the rest.