Rampage (2018)

 

Here we have an adaptation of a videogame that had no plot whatsoever. It was just monsters destroying buildings. It was also oodles of fun back in the day - heck, it still is. So how on Earth do you try and make a decent film out of this?

Well, you don't. Not really. You add in Rock 'the Dwayne' Johnson and just go for mindless entertainment. So sure, this is about as light as a minute feather flying in the wind, but if you don't need to use a single braincell, this can still be enjoyable.

After an experiment on a clandestine space station goes awry, several canisters plummet to Earth. Don't ask how absolutely not a single nation in the world detected a space station the size of the ISS, it doesn't matter. 

Anyway...

Several animals come into contact with a green gas that is expelled from said canisters: a wolf, an alligator and an albino gorilla in the San Diego Zoo that knows sign language and who is taken care of by The Rock. Guess who the benevolent animal is going to be? 

Guess correctly? Colour me shocked. Shocked, I say!

George the gorilla exponentially grows in size and becomes more aggressive, so a shady government organisation takes the gorilla away, together with The Rock and Naomi Harris' character, who apparently created this stuff to help her brother dying from cancer but the big bad corporation used this research for nefarious deeds. Nefarious! 

No joke: the characterization of all people in this film is so stock and predictable, it's almost embarassing. Heck, I still don't know why Naomi Harris even has a character in this film. They could have just cut her out and just have the Evil (yes, with a capital Mwuhahaha!) corporation create the toxin, but whatever. 

Of course the corporation wants their research back, so they lure all three creatures to Chicago by using sound that causes the animals to become enormously agitated and so they demolish buildings. Like in the game? But in the end, it's up to The Johnson 'Dwayne' Rock and the gorilla to save humanity. 

Egad, typing all this out makes it feel even more stupid than it already is. Because believe you me: it is. Completely and utterly stupid. 

So why on Earth would you ever want to watch this one? A few reasons. First off, it's an unabashed 'creatures running amok' type of film. You get plenty of animal action and oodles of destruction, something the 5-year-old in me still giggles with glee at. And even though the acting is pretty awful across the board - helped in no way by the cringe-inducing dialogue and stock character motivations -  The Rock is a guy that always gets the sympathy vote. He can't help it, he just oozes charisma and it's infectious. 

So, you want it big, loud, brainless and goofy? Then this is the one for you. If you want some more substance, best stay far, far away.