Syngenor (1990)

 If you are looking for inept, bad movie goodness, I have quite the thing for you. Almost everything about this one is atrocious, but it does become that special kind of atrocious, that is all the more fun the more friends you invite to see or the more alcohol you consume. 

Yes, this film borrows immensely from far superior franchises such as 'Alien' and 'Terminator' and even a little 'Re-Animator', but the entire execution is so underwhelming, it reaches that special kind of: "What the actual fudge did I just watch?"

There is an evil corporation (are there any other?) that is developing special mutant soldiers to fight in the desert. They don't need water, but they do absorb the spinal fluid of their victims and reproduce asexually every 24 hours. 

Is all of this important? Not really. 

One of the Syngenors gets loose and kills the developer of the project. This doesn't lead to anything except for the niece wanting to find out what happened, together with a reporter, because of course. Meanwhile, the CEO of the corporation is going nuts, the Syngenors are reproducing in the basement lab and things get ever crazier until the finale. 

If the story feels cookiecutter, it's because it is. Oh, how it is! This comes straight out of a script that a bored 12-year-old would pen, only the 12-year-old would do it better and insert some boobs. Because obviously. Oh wait, there are boobs in here as well, but really early on. If it doesn't seem memorable, it's because it isn't. 

The acting is quite something to behold. Most of the actors (and I do use the term loosely), are underacting or overacting like some third rate amateur company. Special prize goes to the woman who wants to take over the company, whose delivery is so wooden and dead you could replace her with a statue and the statue would emote even better. Her henchman does just the opposite and is hilariously over the top. There's also a supposedly 18-year-old in here, but everyone can tell she's at least 30. That funky 80s clothing didn't fool us, film!

But you know who does deliver on all fronts? That's David Gale. Yes, the one from 'Re-Animator'. He is by far the best actor and while he is fairly understated at first, he gets more insane as the film progresses and it is truly a marvel to behold. No one does 'insane' like David Gale, trust me. He is a hoot to watch and it is so obvious he is probably the only one of the cast who is having a ball with it. 

God, I adore that man. 

The Syngenors meanwhile look like shit. The suits are almost expressionless and you can tell the poor actors inside can't see anything or are barely able to move, so when they lumber towards their victims, it's anything but suspenseful. 

Have I mentioned they look like shit? 

The film is also terribly inconsistent, which is always a mark of quality. First, they tell us that the Syngenors are impervious to bullets and are the ideal soldier, then they say they are vulnerable to water, which is quite a disadvantage on a planet with as much fluid as ours. Heck, you could spit on one of these and kill it then. How's that for supersoldier status? But even though they are supposedly impervious to bullets, there are several scenes where people easily dispatch the Syngenors by simply shooting them. Some even get taken out by a mere push. 

Yes, there are problems with this supersoldier thing. 

Yet, even though I can rag on this film for a very long time, it still is fun to watch in all its ineptitude. You know why? Because it starts extremely pedestrian, but by the time the film reaches its halfway point, things just get increasingly more insane, until you get a completely bonkers finale. I'm serious: stay with it, because after the rather dull first 30 minutes, everything after that will have your jaw drop to the floor, after which you will start to giggle incessantly at the absurdity of it. Or the stupidity, that is also a possibility. 

Or the drugs you took in order to be able to withstand this piece of cinema have kicked in, that's also an option. 

There's way too much to take in, but I will say this as just a final piece of information that this is one of those 'so-bad-they're-occasionally-good'-films: the secret basement lab is very obviously a hotel kitchen. Heck, they even have all the trays with cutlery still there, only covered in white sheets. And when the young secretary is sent to the basement, she opens a door that says 'Authorized Personnel Only' and actually asks: "Is someone in here?"

No, I'm not kidding. 

Anyway: this is awful and inept in every way, yet it so such irresistible trash I can't help but recommend it for the people that are in the mood for asinine schlock. You will have a blast picking this apart and because it becomes a complete clusterfuck towards the end, you will be amazed by it all.