Astérix et le Coup du Menhir (1989)

Well, it had to happen. This one sucks. No two ways about it. And it pains me to say this, because I absolutely adore the comics and several of the adaptations. But this one is just plain awful. 

The story is a hodgepodge of - once again - two stories: 'Asterix and the Soothsayer' and 'Asterix and the Big Fight'. Both comics are great, especially the latter. But here, they are thrown together in a way that makes no sense whatsoever. 

When Panoramix almost gets kidnapped, Obelix wants to save him by throwing a menhir... right on top of the druid. He loses his mind, which also means that the village can no longer depend on him to make their potion that turns them invincible. Meanwhile, a charlatan enters the village claiming to be a soothsayer. Most of the villagers fall for his charade, but not Asterix. This also means that a Roman general sees his opportunity to finally conquer the last village not under Roman command. 

There are a great many things that irk me with this one. First off, the pacing is absolutely horrendous. This film again only lasts about 70 minutes, but it is boring as hell and incredibly slow. It's more fun watching paint dry. The mesh of the two stories doesn't work at all. They should have just let out the part where Panoramix goes bananas, because it has no connection to the other storyline at all, it's just there to pad the running time. 

What may be the worst crime of all: this one is not funny. Like, not at all. There are hardly any jokes worthy of note and those that are present fall flat on their faces in the dirt, only to be trampled upon some more. 

No really: it is painfully unfunny, which is an insult to the gloriousness that is the comic books.

There really isn't a lot to say, alas. Maybe the smallest among us might find some enjoyment out of this one, but in all honesty: this is the worst of the series by far. Best to check out a couple of the better ones. 

Heck, just read the comics.