Flesh Gordon (1974)

 

Look at that opulent poster! Look at it! Doesn't it seem as though this would be the ultimate Flash Gordon project out there?

What's that? This is 'Flesh Gordon' with an E? And it's a sex parody that balances ridiculous low budget efforts with some above average special effects at times because some of the industry's greats worked on this?

Okay then.

Yes, the name is a bit of a give-away, but this is not your wholesome, flashy (pun intended) space adventure. Heck, the makers spell it out right at the start that this is a loving albeit cheeky interpretation. So be ready for an overabundance of boobs, butts, bush, schlongs and objects shaped like one of the aforementioned bodyparts. 

The Earth is being doused in a sex ray that instantly makes people want to hump everything and everyone, so clearly something needs to be done. 

What is this: Planet Puritan? 

If you don't see the need to change the effects of a sex ray, you're probably not alone. Except maybe for the chance to get a veritable list of STD's in the process. 

Into our adventure flies Flesh Gordon, who meets his 'love' interest Dale Ardour on a plane and who have to make a crash landing, that happens to get them into contact with scientist Flexi Jerkoff. 

The names are truly a thing to behold. 

Jerkoff has built a spaceship (it's a flying penis) to find the origin of the sex ray and destroy it. Turns out, this comes from the planet Porno ruled over by Wang, who sports some of the worst make-up ever in order to make him look East Asian. It's more like he had a bukkake party on his face. No, I won't explain that term. No, you shouldn't look it up in the company of others.

By the way, the fact that Wang's henchmen reverently call him 'My Protuberance' is one of the sharper jokes of the film. That says it all, I guess.

From then on it's even more hijinks with random and reckless abandon, with lots of naked people fornicating, being naked and so on and so forth.

There's a story in here somewhere, but only barely. 

Ha, 'barely'...

'Flesh Gordon' is absolutely one of those oddities that is so bad it's entertaining. The acting is atrocious across the board, the costumes badly fitting, the plot almost non-existent and so on. There's an insane amount of nudity, humping and not even well thought of double entendres and yes, there are quite a lot of times when the people on screen are actually humping and not just pretending (check Wang's throne room-scenes for unabashedly fornicating in various positions). But aside from all that, this can be fun to watch with some friends and some drinks. It's a trainwreck, but it's a fascinating trainwreck. 

But if I told you that people like Rick Baker and Dennis Muren also worked on this very early in their career, you will also understand why especially the stop motion in this film is way too good for the project it's in. There's a metal humanoid bug warrior, a giant ogre statue come to life and some Penisaurs (dicks with a massive eye and some frill because they would otherwise look too much like a member and the censors wouldn't have that. Yeah, now they look nothing like it #sarcasm) and all those creations are really well done. It's a bit jarring, to say the least, especially considering the flimsy sets.

Well, the sets are as flimsy and garish as most of the outfits, so that tracks, I guess. 

If you're up for a bizarre yet almost legendary cultfilm that is all over the place and is fascinating because of that, give it a try. Just be prepared to endure horrible puns and too much nudity. What's wrong with nudity? Not a lot, but this film can only be considered sexy and alluring by people who still snigger when someone says "boobies". What are you, 12?