Death Warrant (1990)

 

All hail Jean-Claude Van Damme for giving us most excellent action cheese that is always entertaining, especially during his heyday. This one is a prime example of this, as it is incredibly light on story, hilariously wooden in dialogue yet entertaining as attaching two gerbils to one's private parts after having doused said parts in sugar. 

It is a blast. 

Because films at that time always needed an excuse to explain Van Damme's accent, he plays a Canadian police officer this time. In the opening scene, he is hunting a serial killer known as the Sandman. Heck, his first line of dialogue is almost verbatim: "I'm going in, he killed my partner." after which you know exactly what kind of film you're in for. Van Damme dispatches the Sandman, but you also know this is a setup for later.

More than a year passes and Van Damme is now asked to go undercover in a prison, as too many inmates have died in a short period of time. So of course he does - UNDER HIS OWN NAME! They figured that because he's Canadian, no one would know him, but he did capture a notorious serial killer, so absolutely no one reads papers or listens to the radio in prison? 

Logic, you say? What be this 'logic' you speak of?

Of course he befriends other inmates who are at first hesitant and gruff. Burke starts to uncover shady dealings in the prison, which makes him the prime target for both other prisoners and the - obviously - corrupt guards. When he gets too close, someone actually transfers the Sandman to this prison to dispatch Burke, because we need that climactic showdown. 

Oh, and if you've guessed the swerve by one of the characters right from the get-go: well done. They could have just as easily pointed a giant neon arrow to one of the characters saying: "This be the bad guy."

It might sound negative and honestly: a lot of this film is hilariously wooden, predictable and cheesy as fudge, but it has that unmistakable charm of an 80s action flick (even if this came out in 1990). You know exactly how it will all play out, you can predict the cookiecutter characters to a T and every beat and yet this is still slick and entertaining. The pace is brisk, it never overstays it welcome or pretends to be anything but a mindless action film hellbent on giving you a fun time. And in this it more than succeeds. Van Damme isn't a Shakespearean actor, but he has charisma in spades, Robert Guillaume is a great addition as he brings some depth to an otherwise flat character and the bad guys are so overly evil, you will squeak with glee when they get their comeuppance. Heck, Patrick Kilpatrick as Sandman not only chews the scenery: he chews it, spits it out, nibbles on it some more and then throws it in your face with a thunderous roar. 

I love every bit of this one. Maybe you will too.