Sharkzilla (aka Megalodon) (2012)

 

Even after so many years, it's hard to top the original 'Jaws' as quite possibly the ultimate in sharkfilms. Many have tried, most have failed. There is also an absolute metric fuckton of cheap, straight-to-video releases that all vary immensely in quality.

Most flat out suck. 

'Sharkzilla' isn't the original title, as it is actually called 'Megalodon', but as there already exists a film with that title, a little rebranding was in order. And yes, this is one of the cheapies, but it isn't awful. In fact, it is actually watchable, if rather unremarkable save for a few minor things. But you could do a lot worse in the bargain bin-department. 

Some oil magnate has built a state of the art drilling platform, which is placed close near Greenland in order to drill for an oil pocket no one else can reach. He has invited a reporter and her cameraman over for some much needed good publicity, but she does occasionally question his motives. Furthermore, there is a skeleton crew present, as you can run this massive rig with only about 22 people. 

You get your usual cast of colourful characters, who alas, are nearly all very unremarkable and interchangeable, save for about two. And don't bother trying to remember their names, because it doesn't really matter. You might remember a submarine pilot named Maz, as her name gets shouted and uttered quite a lot. 

It's either that, or because it reminds me of Maz Kanata from 'Star Wars'. 

Anyway, the drill hits a massive pocket and there appears to be an enormous cavern or deep sea ocean underneath the actual ocean. Some prehistoric fish escape, but soon after that our titular beastie comes up to say hello. It is of course attracted to the thumping and the electricity that exudes from the platform. People die, things get broken, they then hatch a plan to blow up the shark.

Why do people always blow up sharks in these kinds of films? You can do away with them in other ways, you know. But would you want to? 

Most of the acting is passable, but nothing special. The environmentalist/fatalist hams it up, but is funnily enough the most engaging character of the cast. You'll cringe at the lack of accuracy from the screenwriters about prehistoric fish, though. Yes, that gets up my noodle. First off, a Dunkleosteus didn't have pin-like teeth, second: it's a lot older than 75 million years. But a Megalodon doesn't hail from 65 million years ago, as it was around when mammals were hopping the planet, as it preyed on whales. 

Sorry, get your science right. It requires about 5 minutes of research. You can stretch it a little, but when it's blatantly wrong, it gets up my nose like a bad dose of cocaine. That is, if I ever did cocaine. Which I never have and probably never will. 

But it's not all bad, as the third-rate actors do try and emote some and a couple get away with okay performances, so there's that. They're tolerable.

The special effects tend to vary a lot. The sets are okay considering the paltry budget and so is most of the CG. Yes, certain times it looks like a cutscene from a videogame, but other times it is actually pretty okay. Take the descent into the cavern with the bioluminescent creatures: that is pretty well done. So is the escape of the school of Dunkleosteus. Our main beastie is a bit of a mixed bag. The snout and eyes are okay and relatively realistic (if you stretch your imagination a bit), but it moves incredibly stiff and they do recycle a lot of the same renderings. 

'Sharkzilla' isn't the worst out there, but it does lack personality and stakes. Besides the one character with his bleached hair, no one really stands out and there is a definite lack of suspense. Maybe they should have done a film solely with the Dunkleosteus, as they did have a pretty cool looking fake fish made. The film could also have benefited from more gore or tension and the finale where they blow up the shark is underwhelming, to say the least. It also looks atrocious. The sequel baiting was predictable beyond belief as well. But hey, if you have a thing for sharkfilms, this one is worth a watch. Like I said: it's not horrendous, it's just rather bland.