The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

 

The first Narnia was magical, the second one grittier and this one is... well... remarkably unremarkable. And forgettable. And bland. And makes little to no sense. 

Oh, and the story is rushed as well.

So no, this one isn't any good. Maybe not horrendous, but pretty awful nonetheless. It makes you wonder how they could go so wrong in so short a period of time.

Three years after the events of 'Prince Caspian', Edmund and Lucy have to stay with their aunt and uncle and their incredibly obnoxious nephew Eustace. 

And I do mean 'incredibly obnoxious'. It's not poor Will Poulter's fault that he was instructed to speak in that nasal whine and just be an all out arsehat, but he grates on the nerves. He's only decent when he's turned into a dragon. 

Yes: the most annoying character gets to be a dragon. 

This is Narnia at sea, because Caspian is searching for some lords that have disappeared. Along the way, there's something about a green mist that is evil, some 'evil' island and seven swords that have to be gathered in order to dispel the evil. And something with slavers, that is just as quickly forgotten as it is introduced. 

Oh, and islands that supposedly have to tempt our characters but instead it just makes them look like absolute pricks as you can't believe they could actually be this stupid to do the things they do. 

It's no use to try and figure out the plot, as the film itself doesn't know where to go or what to do. It truly feels as if they haphazardly slapped together some elements from the books and thought no one would notice there: is no rhyme or reason for anything to happen as the plot is taking a vacation somewhere else. 

And of course Aslan comes back at the end. Because of course. 

Heck, almost everything here is bad. The acting is pretty miserable, the sets look cheap, the CG is often shoddy, the nonexistent plot is confusing as all heck and everything suddenly gets resolved in a matter of seconds without any real payoff, because there's no legitimate setup. Egads, this stinks to high heavens. 

You know what also gets up my nose, as it is hammered in with incessant fortitude? Eustace is a prick because he's only interested in facts and science, and is no longer a prick when he truly 'believes'. Yes, I get that CS Lewis injected these tales with Christianity and so on, but I find it hard to believe even he was this blatant about it. Science equals arsehat, blind believer equals good boy. Really? We're pulling that stunt? 

Maybe the biggest insult this film has to offer, is that it is so forgettable. No joke: I have seen this about four times, yet every time I realise I honestly can't remember anything about it. The first and second one, I can easily remember the story and certain scenes, but here? One big blank. 

Maybe they should have kept it like that and never made this entry, as it truly is a horrendous piece of work that pretends to be something else.