Splice (2009)

 

If done well, science fiction/horror can both entertain and make you pose the right questions. If not, then it's usually an utter snoozefest. 'Splice' is irritatingly on the edge between those two, but in the long run, a rather boring film and several incredibly unlikable characters tank the film. 

Also: you can see the plot twists coming miles away. Which in itself wouldn't be so bad if the story was more engaging.

We are quickly introduced to two genetic scientists, Elsa and Clive, played by the usually excellent actors Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody. They have created a new lifeform, as the pharmaceutical company they work for is in dire need of a hit project. These lifeforms can produce a type of protein that could help further medicine.

Because of course it is for the good of mankind. Although, to be fair: it is made abundantly clear that philanthropism isn't high on the agenda, neither for the company nor Elsa and Clive. This bizarrely also makes for the most realistic part of the film. 

Elsa wants to take it a step further and include human DNA into the mix. See, the previous creatures - nicknamed Ginger and Fred - are a weird hybrid of different animals (leading to what can be best described as pink silly putty with a mind of its own. Or brainslugs, if you like). The company says no, but because our scientists are arsehats, they do it anyway. 

I get they don't want to be stonewalled by a company, but the shit they pull next is dangerous and pretty immoral no matter how you play it. They do let Clive utter his reservations and concerns, but because he is a total pushover and Elsa a total bitch, he goes along with it regardless. 

Have I mentioned yet that none of the characters is actually likable?

Their new 'baby' works out and turns into something which at first resembles a pink, two-legged bunny, before evolving into something like a human child, who also grows up at an accelerated rate. 

Ah yes, we were missing such a plot contrivance. 

To be fair, the design of the creature (now named Dren) is pretty cool. She has that weird, otherworldy quality where she looks human enough to be that, yet you can always tell something is a little off. The designers really deserve more credit for this. Along the way, Elsa becomes more and more like her abusive mother (of course, what else?) and Clive begins to set aside his reservations and becomes more caring, right up to the point of a little incestuous behaviour. Well, sort of. See, Dren is partially created by using some of Elsa's DNA, which she didn't tell Clive because why would she? 

The film really hammers home the point that Elsa is a bitch. 

After their presentation with Fred and Ginger for the shareholders goes horribly wrong, as they both turned male and killed each other, things get even more weird. And yes, I am acutely aware you now know what will happen in the final act. And then the film has an epilogue that makes Elsa even more of a bitch.

Someone didn't like her character, can't you tell?

In spite of a possibly decent idea, this film really doesn't work. You have no characters to empathise with, as Clive is a putz and Elsa euphemistically isn't a nice lady. They try to make Clive a nicer guy towards the end, but by then, you will have long ceased to care. The story is contrived and that incestuous angle is a bit iffy. I get why they included it, but still. Then it all gets wrapped up in record time after a bait-and-switch and leaves you with an ending that is so unsatisfying it almost hurts. 

No, this isn't a good film. But as said before: the design of the creature and the performance of Delphine Chanéac as Dren does have merit. But that's it.