Starcrash (1978)

There has been quite a lot of groundbreaking and great science fiction in the 70s or even before that. Imaginative, captivating, thought-provoking... However, this is not one of those. It's safe to say that 'Starcrash' is probably best known for being one of the worst science fiction films ever made.

It also is a lot of fun for all the right (or wrong) reasons. 

Intergalactic outlaws Stella Star and Akton are captured by the space police and sentenced to life imprisonment and hard labour. However, they are both sprung out of prison by the same officers that arrested them. 

Why?

Well, it turns out the evil Count Zarth Arn wants to dominate the universe (of course!) and the Emperor of the known galaxy needs the help of these two rogues in order to find three downed vessels, one of which had his only son aboard. So off they go planet hopping. On one planet, they run into a tribe of Amazons with a grudge, even if no one knows what that grudge exactly is.

Don't worry about stuff not making any sense as there is hardly anything that does make sense in this film.

Then it's off to an iceworld where they are betrayed by Thor, one of those police officers. He is soon dealt with before it's off to the third planet where they discover the prince. It also happens to be the planet where Count Zarth Arn's powerful weapon is located, but they are trapped and the Count is now going to blow up the planet with his weapon.

Why? See above.

When they are saved by the Emperor himself (because he has the ability to stop time, because reasons), they launch a final desperate attempt to destroy the evil fortress of Evil so that peace can be restored to the galaxy.

Yes, it is all as silly as you can get, but that isn't the reason why this is an insane amount of fun. 

See, pretty much everything about this film is gloriously inept. The special effects are laughable, even for the time. The compositing shots look horrendous; the spaceships feel like cobbled together leftovers from modelkits (which they actually were); you will see the same backdrop for the constellations over and over; the dialogue is cringeworthy; the acting is atrocious across the board and the story makes no sense whatsoever. 

But everyone is going all in and thàt is why this is still fun. Everyone just overacts incredibly and the baffling choices, editing mishaps and complete lack of sense is a wonder to behold. 

Take Akton (Marjoe Gortner) for example: he is pretty much a living MacGuffin. He knows everything because he can see into the future, he can't die unless he so chooses and he can survive pretty much anything. It is both annoying and hilarious.

You will have a scene with the prince (David Hasselhoff) fighting against ugly stop-motion robots with something vaguely resembling a lightsabre. Yes, you read that correctly. You don't hassel the Hoff, not even in space!

The robot sidekick is blessed with a Southern (Texan?) accent for no particular reason, too. The only thing missing, is a metal cowboy hat. Now that would have been the icing on the cake.

Biggest surprise of all is that they actually got Christopher Plummer to play the Emperor. He did this, just so he could get a free trip to Rome. The weird thing is, he's actually the only one who can give it all some gravitas and you can tell he has trouble keeping a straight face with the inane dialogue. Joe Spinell is the hammiest of hams playing the evil Count. You know he's evil, because he laughs maniacally every scene he's in and twirls his cape around all the time. 

And then there's the absolutely gorgeous Caroline Munroe, who honestly can't act for the life of her (at least not in this film), but who looks so damn good in every single outfit. Miss Munroe clearly needed more guidance from the director and didn't get it, which is why she behaves as if she's five years old in the schoolplay and constantly twitches with her eyes. But she will always be a joy to gaze upon. 

And then I haven't even talked about the absolutely bonkers' things that you see on screen. Zarth Arn (horrendous character name, by the way) has a fortress that literally is a hand that closes to a sort-of fist when attacked. The evil weapon is superimposed lavalamp lighting. They fire torpedoes at the Count's fortress, but they don't explode upon impact, oh no. They shatter the windows and then two soldiers hop out of the torpedoes.

Yes, you did read that correctly. 

It goes without saying that watching 'Starcrash' isn't for everyone who isn't at least a little inclined to sit through turkeys of this magnitude, but if you have a bit of a soft spot for inept yet brave films that try so very hard, yet fail so very clearly, then this might be an excellent choice.