Blade Trinity (2004)

 

Well, you can't win them all and this one does surprisingly little winning. To be fair, it did come on the heels of the most entertaining entry in the trilogy, so it was always going to be a sort-of letdown. But some of the choices made here don't make sense and for everything that works, there is something that doesn't. 

This time, a couple of vampires discovered the whereabouts of the original: Dracula. They wake him and take him back in order to combat Blade. But things don't go that well for our intrepid slayer: he is tricked into killing a human on camera, and now he and Whistler are being hunted even more by the police. This leads to the total destruction of their hideout and the death of Whistler.

This time, it's for real, yes. 

Blade is broken out of the police station by some new allies: Whistler's daughter Abigail and Hannibal King. They are a small cell, also occupied with killing vampires. But Blade takes a lot of convincing before he's sure they have got what it takes. 

Heck, it takes the slaughter of pretty much the entire team, but hey, incentive, right?

It turns out the team had developed a virus that targets vampires, but it needs to be mixed with the pure blood of Dracula himself to be potent enough to kill al vampires worldwide. What a coincidence!

Oh yes, and lots of fighting interspersed throughout, of course. Leading up to a swordfight between Dracula and Blade. 

Yes, the story is pretty bland, although to be fair: everyone knew they were going to go with the Dracula-angle at one point. It is not even the worst idea around. I mean, we went from a blood god to mutated vampires, so now the real big bad is the only option left. Wesley Snipes is still great in the part of Blade, although he does seem to be slumming it a little. But behind the scenes he was apparently not the nicest person around, so it does show. The new characters are forgettable. Jessica Biel is nice, but nothing special. Ryan Reynolds was (without him knowing) already channeling his Deadpool, as he quite literally is playing a foul-mouthed, wisecracking guy. Maybe it's just who he is, but he is funny as usual. Kris Kristofferson is wasted here, by the way. 

The villains are particularly weak. Parker Posey as Danica Talos is especially pointless and just has to snarl and always look constipated the whole time. She grates on the nerves, although not as much as her henchmen with Triple H as Jarko in prime spot. I love Trips, but a decent actor he is not. 

Dracula is played by Dominic Purcell, who has absolutely nothing to do except try to look menacing, but he isn't as ripped or as big as Wesley Snipes, so it comes off a little weird. Also, I'm pretty sure he was badly dubbed. 

If not, then he has the weirdest voice ever. Egad, what is that even?

Of course he transforms into something akin to the devil, but with the Reaper's mouthpiece, which makes no sense. Heck, they even give several dogs this. Why? I have no idea why and the film doesn't care either. Moving on.

There are some other problems here. For one, the fight scenes are edited horribly. You really can't tell where everyone is or what's going on. A shame, because you have actors that can pull it off and then proceed to butcher their movements. Second, they went back for the more 'gritty' and realistic tone of the first one, but then the few jokes or supposedly laugh-eliciting moments fall flat on their face. 

See, at heart, this isn't a horrible film. It can be entertaining (heck, it is at times), but it's just not memorable in any way. The other two had characters you could get behind and visuals that worked. This one just feels way too middle of the road to impress.

Although I will give the film this: the blood bank setup is hauntingly chilling and grim. 

In short: it's okay, but nothing special.