Street Fighter (1994)

 

This film, this thing, is an absolute and utter trainwreck. 

And I love it. 

You might chalk that up to some weird sort of Stockholm-Syndrome, but even though this is in every way possible a 'bad' film, it has so many memorable lines and one absolute awesome performance, I revisit it on a fairly regular basis. 

Also: this is a comedy. It might not have been meant as one, let alone started as one, but it is bloody hilarious thanks to the horrible ineptitude on display. 

Warlord M. Bison has invaded the small Asian country of Shadaloo, and the AN Forces under the command of Colonel Guile are trying to stop him. Meanwhile, two hustlers by the name of Ken and Ryu are trying to con local mobster Sagat. Then there's a newsteam comprised of Chun-Li, Balrog and Honda who have their own reasons for going after Bison. 

You see where a possible problem already starts? Yes, way too many characters. You get a cookie. 

Bison has hostages and he threatens to kill them. Of course! So time is short and Guile hatches a convoluted plan to save them all and defeat Bison, along with a plethora of characters that are in the film simply because they were in the games. 

Truth be told, this apparently was Capcom's fault, as they kept on badgering director DeSouza to add more and more characters, some of whom only get a smidgen of screentime and are hardly necessary at all. Not only that, but most of these guys and girls can't act for shit. Sure, they have the look and a couple have the chops, but nearly all of them are terribly miscast. 

It's not all horrendous. Wes Studi is fairly convincing as Sagat, but he is a decent actor with an iconic look. Ming-Na Wen is also fairly okay as Chun-Li and as one of he few people who clearly know what the fudge they are doing when it comes to the horrendously edited fight scenes where you can see all but two things: Jack and Shit. 

The attack on Bison's fortress is also something that will make you want to slap your face in disbelief. See, they head upriver with a stealth boat, because you want to be on Bison before he knows what hit him. But then they start blasting away his radar arrays, thus alarming him of their presence anyway. What was the point of the stealth boat then? 

Check Guile's empowering speech for his Allied Nations Troops. It's just so empowering, like, wow. I don't know about you, but after that, I want to invade a small South-East Asian country.

Yes, that was sarcasm.

To be somewhat fair, Jean-Claude Van Damme was coked out of his brain for this one and boy, does it show. I love that guy, but here, it's rough to watch him. 

You know who is actually funny? Andrew Bryniarski as Zangief, the big Russian oaf. He has two of my favourite jokes in the entire film and even though he plays it like an inept henchman from a kid's show, it still makes me laugh every time. 

So, this film is absolutely horrible and I watch this regularly why? 

Raul Julia.

Hands down, thé best performance and the most memorable of all is this guy. Heck, it becomes even better once you realize the poor man was in tremendous pain due to advanced cancer, and yet he gave it his all in this almost Shakespearean over-the-top villain, that is so wonderfully done and so masterfully realized in all it's silliness, you can't stop watching. It's glorious. 

Heck, he has one of the best monologues in cinema history. If you've seen this film, you know what it is. If not, you can easily find it on the Internet. 

So to recap: yes, this is a bad bad film. But it is also a lot of unabashed fun in all its debilitating glory.