Troll 2 (1990)
Well... I guess I had to, at one point.
In the history of cinema, there are classics that remain imprinted on the brain for all the right reasons. Conversely, there are classics that remain imprinted upon your retina for all the wrong reasons. You have your 'The Room', 'Showgirls', 'Plan 9 From Outer Space', but I daresay 'Troll 2' takes the green cake.
Yes, it really is thàt bad. But does that mean it's not entertaining? You see, so many people have lambasted this one that it now has a bigger following than it ever did and even in the most turgid recesses of horrible films, there is some enjoyment to be found.
Well, maybe.
'Troll 2' is the story of a suburban family who want to swap places with a family out in the country for a month, sort of a holiday. The son still talks to his dead grandfather, the daughter is a self-obsessed ditzy who has a spineless boyfriend, the mom always wants to see the good in everything and the dad is just there. But all is not well in the village of Nilbog (did you see that? Boy, that is clever. So clever), as soon they find out that it is the capital of the Goblins and their queen. Their plan is to have strangers eat or drink literally anything after which they turn into green goo and the goblins can eat them.
Yes, that is the plot.
To be fair, films have been made with a flimsier setup than this and in the right hands, this could have been schlocky yet entertaining fun. But then there was director Claudio Fragasso. The man is totally inept at making a coherent film, as is evidenced by his output, which clearly favours quantity over quality. He also didn't speak a word of English, yet wanted his actors to read the lines verbatim, which makes for very awkward and stilted dialogue. There are some gems here, let me assure you. Then the budget was so low, they hired non-actors or third rate amateurs (and it shows). Last but not least, the costumes for the goblins are hilariously awful. They range from rubbery masks with hardly any movement, to rubbery masks without movement, all the while adorned above burlap sacks.
Yep, they probably spent all their money on one scene where a person is set on fire. Although I'm not even sure they hired a professional to do this.
Don't be fooled by Fragasso's incessant statements that he created a masterpiece and a critique of vegetarianism. First off, it is the worst critique of vegetarianism ever, especially seeing as the goblins are defeated by the kid eating a baloney sandwich (yes, you read that correctly). Second, it only contends as a masterpiece of awful.
So why on Earth would you watch this? Because in all its horrible glory, you can view it as one of the best unintentional comedies ever made. The dialogue is atrocious, but instantly quotable.
You want examples?
"You can't piss on hospitality, I won't allow it!"
"They're eating her. And then they're going to eat me. Oh my goooooooooooooooooddddd...." (you'll find plenty of clips of this particular one online)
As if that isn't enough, the acting itself is exuberantly bizarre, because no one can act. Everyone is mugging for the camera and overdoing even the simplest of lines. Take special care in dissecting the performance of Deborah Reed as the witch. There's chewing the scenery and devouring every last droplet of it, which is exactly what she does. It's so over the top it ends up at the other side of the universe and I can't help but roll over the floor laughing every time she is on screen and flailing about with her googly eyes.
If that description feels weird, you'll have to see what I mean.
You see, even though this is incredibly inept as a film, it is enjoyable for a laugh if you want to see how not to do things. Heck, you can invite some friends and pick this one apart and you will have fun doing it, it is that absurd of an experience. Of course, it does mean there's 90 minutes of your life you're never getting back, so if you don't enjoy bad films, stay far away from this one.
Maybe it's a masochistic streak, but I can rewatch this once a year and enjoy it for the absurdity it is. It could also be loathing, but I'd rather make fun of it and enjoy myself than sit there getting angry at how rubbish this is. It will always be rubbish. But if you are in the right mood, it's the right kind of rubbish; the kind that shows like 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' were made for.
View at your own risk.
'Troll 2' is the story of a suburban family who want to swap places with a family out in the country for a month, sort of a holiday. The son still talks to his dead grandfather, the daughter is a self-obsessed ditzy who has a spineless boyfriend, the mom always wants to see the good in everything and the dad is just there. But all is not well in the village of Nilbog (did you see that? Boy, that is clever. So clever), as soon they find out that it is the capital of the Goblins and their queen. Their plan is to have strangers eat or drink literally anything after which they turn into green goo and the goblins can eat them.
Yes, that is the plot.
To be fair, films have been made with a flimsier setup than this and in the right hands, this could have been schlocky yet entertaining fun. But then there was director Claudio Fragasso. The man is totally inept at making a coherent film, as is evidenced by his output, which clearly favours quantity over quality. He also didn't speak a word of English, yet wanted his actors to read the lines verbatim, which makes for very awkward and stilted dialogue. There are some gems here, let me assure you. Then the budget was so low, they hired non-actors or third rate amateurs (and it shows). Last but not least, the costumes for the goblins are hilariously awful. They range from rubbery masks with hardly any movement, to rubbery masks without movement, all the while adorned above burlap sacks.
Yep, they probably spent all their money on one scene where a person is set on fire. Although I'm not even sure they hired a professional to do this.
Don't be fooled by Fragasso's incessant statements that he created a masterpiece and a critique of vegetarianism. First off, it is the worst critique of vegetarianism ever, especially seeing as the goblins are defeated by the kid eating a baloney sandwich (yes, you read that correctly). Second, it only contends as a masterpiece of awful.
So why on Earth would you watch this? Because in all its horrible glory, you can view it as one of the best unintentional comedies ever made. The dialogue is atrocious, but instantly quotable.
You want examples?
"You can't piss on hospitality, I won't allow it!"
"They're eating her. And then they're going to eat me. Oh my goooooooooooooooooddddd...." (you'll find plenty of clips of this particular one online)
As if that isn't enough, the acting itself is exuberantly bizarre, because no one can act. Everyone is mugging for the camera and overdoing even the simplest of lines. Take special care in dissecting the performance of Deborah Reed as the witch. There's chewing the scenery and devouring every last droplet of it, which is exactly what she does. It's so over the top it ends up at the other side of the universe and I can't help but roll over the floor laughing every time she is on screen and flailing about with her googly eyes.
If that description feels weird, you'll have to see what I mean.
You see, even though this is incredibly inept as a film, it is enjoyable for a laugh if you want to see how not to do things. Heck, you can invite some friends and pick this one apart and you will have fun doing it, it is that absurd of an experience. Of course, it does mean there's 90 minutes of your life you're never getting back, so if you don't enjoy bad films, stay far away from this one.
Maybe it's a masochistic streak, but I can rewatch this once a year and enjoy it for the absurdity it is. It could also be loathing, but I'd rather make fun of it and enjoy myself than sit there getting angry at how rubbish this is. It will always be rubbish. But if you are in the right mood, it's the right kind of rubbish; the kind that shows like 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' were made for.
View at your own risk.
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