Prometheus (2012)

This film frustrates me to no end.

There.

"Why?", you may wonder? I will explain in a short while.

'Prometheus' tells how archaeologists discover the same type of drawings/carvings/artwork all over the world that point to a constellation. Several years later, they are headed that way in the vessel Prometheus, in the hopes of discovering where we as humans came from.

So Darwin and evolution fly straight out of the window. Nice. (that was sarcasm, by the way)

Once they set foot on LV-223, they discover a structure that holds the bodies of an alien race they dubbed 'Engineers', who are like the Space Jockey from the original 'Alien' (but we'll get to that, bear with me). They also discover a black substance that distorts life into something completely different. And then everything goes to hell in a handbasket in record time.

What I really like about this one, is the way it looks. I will not lie: every shot is beautiful eyecandy. You can spend quite some time just gazing at the backgrounds and the designs.

Alas, there it often ends, because more often than not, this one makes me angry for several reasons. Allow me to explain.

There are so many inconsistencies in 'Prometheus', it boggles the mind. But I think I can say why. My best guess is that Ridley Scott had an original story about people venturing out into space to try and find where we come from. He wanted to sell this pitch, but nobody at the studios cared. Then Ridley said: "What if I link it to the Alien-franchise?" And suddenly everything was a go. I know the idea is that this takes place in the same universe (sort of), sometimes it's called a prequel (which makes no sense), maybe it's a parallel universe?

Bollocks to that. Either it is something in the Alien-universe, or it is something entirely different. But this betting on two horses just aggravates me, because so many things don't add up.

First off, I can believe that the ship Prometheus is technologically more advanced than the Nostromo, even if that one only flies out many years later. This is a research vessel, top of the line, whereas the Nostromo was a beat-up truck. So no quarrel with that. Also no problems with a different planet/moon/whatever. Space is big.

But what gets up my nostrils? Are you ready?

The android David becomes omniscient in a flash once they land on the planet. He knows everything there is to know about the Engineers and you have no idea how he pulled it off. Did he read some extensive murals depicting everything in a deleted scene? Or is he just literally a deus ex machina (with focus on the machina bit)? Aargh!

For a bunch of educated people on the ship, they sure do stupid things. The biologist is confronted with a new lifeform and his first reaction is to stroke it? Of course it attacks and kills him and good riddance. The geologist maps the inside of the structure yet can't find his way out, even though they can access the map at any time through their suits? The archaeologist is angry that the Engineers on the planet are dead, because he's so accustomed to researching living cultures? He's a friggin' archaeologist! Dead civilizations are his bread and butter! Noomi Rapace who has a machine do a caesarian, even though it was calibrated for a man? And she can run with hardly any effort after that? I mean, the scene was pretty cool, I guess, but what?

But the one thing that keeps me so angry I sometimes yell at the screen is that this film takes no stance on whether or not it is linked to the 'Alien'-franchise. Scott says it isn't, not really. But why are there so many 'Alien' references? The Space Jockey turns up, the ships! And okay, there is supposed to be no xenomorph, but at the end there is a creature that looks an awful lot like one. What's even worse, there's a mural in one of the rooms (the one with the giant Engineer headsculpture) that actually IS a xenomorph! What the actual fudge? Okay, I can see why the facehugger of sorts looks different to the ones we know, and I can even accept that the xenomorph that bursts out of the Engineer looks different, because lore says they take on certain traits of the host. But bursters are supposed to be small. This one is nearly the size of the bloody Engineer himself! Aargh!

I'm okay, I promise.

In the above lies my grievance with this one. If it is a film in the Alien-saga, fine. That makes sense, because it is referenced ALMOST CONTINUOUSLY. If it isn't, Ridley Scott should have done away with all the overt Alien-references. He would have had a fairly dull film that only picks up the pace the last fifteen minutes or so, but still.

What hurts even more, is that as an avid Alien-fanboy, I really wanted to love this one. I really did. But this one feels like someone just spat in my face.

I like it for what it is, a good looking science fiction-film with cool visuals, but I have to ignore the Alien-references or I start foaming at the mouth again.

Oh, and don't get me started on all the supposedly etherial and heady concepts this one introduces. It doesn't. Not really. Unless you want the question: "Where do we come from?" to be explained in way too many words and phrases where only a few are needed.

But little did I know that worse was yet to come...