Walking with Dinosaurs - the Movie (2013)

When the documentary series 'Walking With Dinosaurs' debuted on the BBC, I totally lost my shit. Being a rabid dinosaur enthusiast, I eagerly gobbled up everything and anything dinosaur-related. You should still see my bookshelves and the like. Or my T-shirt collection. The series blew my mind and several years later, it turns out the style the series used, has changed the way documentaries are made. No longer the fairly dry commentary, but more like a short film, with emotions, a plot and the like added. Sure, there are some things that were pure speculation and whatnot, but when talking about creatures that have been gone for several millions of years, a little creative license is allowed. It's not like that ever bothered any of us engrossed by the series.

The follow-up series and specials were also of a very high standard and even though early mammals may not be as spectacular as dinosaurs, they were once again groundbreaking and great to see.

Fast forward to 2013, where the joyous news reached my ears that they were releasing a full scale film, following a young Pachyrhinosaur. I mean, come on! Seeing as how rapidly technology advances, this should be awesome, right?

Right?

Well, not to put too fine a point on it: the animation is absolutely, one hundred percent gorgeous. It is so fluent and realistic, it's almost uncanny. If yoy remember the original series, that sometimes had some wonky CG, but here, it all looks and feels perfect. That is good.

The fact that they had to weave a story through all of this that makes little to no sense, alas, is a large downside to it all.

I can understand that they wanted to have a plot of sorts, after all: you need to fill roughly 90 minutes. But the story is so bland and predictable that you quickly lose interest. My main gripe with the story is that everything the animals do is 'humanified'. Gone are the fairly realistic animal reactions, instead to be replaced by very recognizable human emotions. That irks me to no end. I mean: dinosaurs falling in love and swooning over one another? Revenge? Really? Why?

Seriously: why? Who on Earth thought that was a good idea?

Oh, but it gets worse.

See, instead of a voice-over explaining the behaviour and - if you like - perfunctory storyline as in the series, now the animals are overdubbed by actors.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now I can't fault people like John Leguizamo or Justin Long, I mean: they do their best and I like them as actors. But here it all detracts from the overall experience. Especially as when new species are introduced, an annoying voice-over and on screen text spells it all out. They should have just let that idea in the bin, because there are only roughly about six or seven species introduced anyway. What was the point? We (or young kids, for that matter) are not that forgetful or stupid that we can't remember which dinosaur is which.

Never mind the fact that they wrongly call an Edmontonia 'Ankylosaurus'. He might have been part of that family, but I recognise my Edmontonia when I see it, dagnabbit.

You fortunately have the option of watching the film with only animal sounds, and that improves it a lot, but then you start to get annoyed at the way too humanesque reactions the creatures have.

See, that really pisses me off to no end. This could have been brilliant yet again, but for some asinine reason, they fudged it all up the great Wahoonie by making these kinds of stupid decisions. Was it the producers who figured worldwide audiences would not grasp a more realistic, documentary-style, thus proving they are inept because the original series did mighty fine without the more Hollywoodian touch? Or did the makers go all out in trying something new and consequently falling flat on their arse?

Honestly, I don't know.

Your youngest might enjoy this with the voices and I will always love the animation on this one, but as a film in and of itself, it fails on too many levels. It is subpar for a 'Walking With Dinosaurs'-product and it is subpar for a film that is supposed to stand on its own.

Also: you have no idea how much it pains me to write that last sentence, because I so wanted to love the everlasting dinopoop out of this one.