X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Oh dear.

This should have been the start of a series of origin stories. This was the only one ever made thus far. I do believe that tells you something about what's on offer and how a film can fail miserably, despite good intentions.

But let us start at the beginning, shall we?

It's no secret: Hugh Jackman is wonderfully awesome as Wolverine. In fact, he made the part his own to such an extent that you would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't imagine the character as the version portrayed by Jackman. That is no small feat and he can slip into the role with such ease that it's second nature. That is a good thing.

Several other decisions regarding this film were not such good ideas. Allow me to explain.

The film does try to retcon several things that are not in line with either comics or the previous films, and that feels weird. Yes, Wolverine used to be part of a Black Ops team and the link with Stryker is expanded upon (if only a tad too little), but a lot of the other things make no sense. Interacting with a teenage Cyclops? In the same team as Blob and Agent Zero? Not being feral for several years after suffering through the adamantium bonding process? Memory loss brought on by a bullet instead of said process?

Why did the filmmakers feel the need to change all this? There was no need.

Another problem this time around is that Wolverine suddenly became this superhuman. Granted, he's a tough mutant, true, but you only have to look at the chase scene with the helicopter to realize something is amiss. Everything goes a little too easily for him and that is not what Wolverine is. He fights, he struggles, he suffers and thén he rises above adversity. Here, he takes everyone and everything out as if it was nothing. There are no real stakes set up and that makes all the action feel flat.

And let's get the massive elephant out of the room at once: what they pulled with Deadpool is horrendous. Thanks goodness Ryan Reynolds fixed that.

Also, the CG in this film is fugly and blatantly obvious. It's almost as if the CG artists got drunk, presented a half finished render that still needed work and the studio was like: "Perfect!"

No, it bloody well isn't, you numbnuts.

Also, Will.i.am is one of the most boring and flat actors ever to grace the screen. You could easily replace him with a potted plant and I'd be more invested.

Is everything awful? No. The opening scene with a young Logan and Sabretooth is tense and the opening credits are brilliant, showing how they go from conflict to conflict through the ages. Gambit isn't too shabby, even though he's only in the film very briefly. But the one person that nails it all and steals the show is Liev Schreiber as Sabretooth. He is the sole reason to watch this. He brings that duality and evil streak, yet remains compelling and somehow relatable. It's a joy to watch. He's even better than Jackman, who is slumming just a little here. But Schreiber, damn...

But let's just say you're not missing anything if you haven't seen this one. Apart from Schreiber's performance, this whole thing just falls flat on its face.