Go jingle somewhere else. Please.
I am not a fan of Christmas.
There, I said it. Out loud. For the whole world to see, so I should be bracing for an avalanche of remarks that I am most likely a grumpy person who does not see the beauty in the festive season. You know, the usual stuff.
That does not change my stance on the subject, though.
Allow me to clarify my personal sense of Scroogeness, especially seeing as it is nowhere as extreme as you might think or even be what you might think. If you think. Sometimes I do wonder about certain portions of the human race and their capability for rational thought, but that would be a discussion for another time.
You see, it is actually the beefed up, 'everybody needs to be merry and how dare you not be merry in this time of the year?' attitude that really gets on my nervous system. There is nothing wrong with the global idea that we, as people, should be a little kinder to one another. The only bizarre thing about this reasoning is the fact that apparently we only need to be forgiving during this time of the year and not during the rest?
Colour me bedazzled, but that does not make sense.
Why on Earth should we only have the so-called Christmas-spirit during roughly two weeks of the year? Basically a lot of people are saying we can be a collection of total excrement-munching, callous private parts wielding nincompoops for the majority of the year, but all of a sudden we need to be 'nice' to each other? What the fornication?
But to be fair, I do get the idea. Set aside all the annoying things for a change and try to embrace the world with a smile for once. Sure. Sounds like a decent enough idea for once. So why not, with a little effort and painstakingly hiding the fact that you would much rather see your grating neighbour being eaten alive by a relentless horde of mutant bullet ants.
Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave.
But then humanity decided that just the spirit of things was not enough. They also invented Christmas music. And I am very sorry, but that is where I absolutely draw the line.
Whenever you hear a radio, in whatever location, not only do you hear the same songs over and over and over again, but the schmalziness is just too much. Honestly, I can not count the number of times Wham's 'Last Christmas' has been played on the radio, let alone 'Let It Snow', especially seeing as the latter is something the weather refrains from doing. Please, do give me snow and lots of it, so the program directors of radio stations around the world could get lost in a harrowing blizzard and become ditzy snowmen of their own accord and let someone with less clichéd tastes determine the playlist for once.
I am dead serious.
It is also funny to discover how certain artists can simply survive by this time of the year. And I just realized how much that expression sounds like 'that time of the month'. It is eerie.
Anyway: nobody remembers Mariah Carey anymore until the end of the year comes around. Suddenly she is all over the place. Good for her, I guess. But unless I am mistaken, she does have more than one song, right? All I want for Christmas is for her to please, please shut up.
To be fair, it is not her fault that this is the only song people remember and play, but after the gazzillionth time hearing it, anyone would be ready for a one way ticket to a mental asylum.
I wish it would snow. Then I could make my own 'Snowman House of Horror' in the front yard, like Calvin and Hobbes once did. Snowmen in various states of dismemberment and pain, just to let people know not to come and sing carrolls in front of my house.
And then it hits me.
I am the Grinch.
There, I said it. Out loud. For the whole world to see, so I should be bracing for an avalanche of remarks that I am most likely a grumpy person who does not see the beauty in the festive season. You know, the usual stuff.
That does not change my stance on the subject, though.
Allow me to clarify my personal sense of Scroogeness, especially seeing as it is nowhere as extreme as you might think or even be what you might think. If you think. Sometimes I do wonder about certain portions of the human race and their capability for rational thought, but that would be a discussion for another time.
You see, it is actually the beefed up, 'everybody needs to be merry and how dare you not be merry in this time of the year?' attitude that really gets on my nervous system. There is nothing wrong with the global idea that we, as people, should be a little kinder to one another. The only bizarre thing about this reasoning is the fact that apparently we only need to be forgiving during this time of the year and not during the rest?
Colour me bedazzled, but that does not make sense.
Why on Earth should we only have the so-called Christmas-spirit during roughly two weeks of the year? Basically a lot of people are saying we can be a collection of total excrement-munching, callous private parts wielding nincompoops for the majority of the year, but all of a sudden we need to be 'nice' to each other? What the fornication?
But to be fair, I do get the idea. Set aside all the annoying things for a change and try to embrace the world with a smile for once. Sure. Sounds like a decent enough idea for once. So why not, with a little effort and painstakingly hiding the fact that you would much rather see your grating neighbour being eaten alive by a relentless horde of mutant bullet ants.
Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave.
But then humanity decided that just the spirit of things was not enough. They also invented Christmas music. And I am very sorry, but that is where I absolutely draw the line.
Whenever you hear a radio, in whatever location, not only do you hear the same songs over and over and over again, but the schmalziness is just too much. Honestly, I can not count the number of times Wham's 'Last Christmas' has been played on the radio, let alone 'Let It Snow', especially seeing as the latter is something the weather refrains from doing. Please, do give me snow and lots of it, so the program directors of radio stations around the world could get lost in a harrowing blizzard and become ditzy snowmen of their own accord and let someone with less clichéd tastes determine the playlist for once.
I am dead serious.
It is also funny to discover how certain artists can simply survive by this time of the year. And I just realized how much that expression sounds like 'that time of the month'. It is eerie.
Anyway: nobody remembers Mariah Carey anymore until the end of the year comes around. Suddenly she is all over the place. Good for her, I guess. But unless I am mistaken, she does have more than one song, right? All I want for Christmas is for her to please, please shut up.
To be fair, it is not her fault that this is the only song people remember and play, but after the gazzillionth time hearing it, anyone would be ready for a one way ticket to a mental asylum.
I wish it would snow. Then I could make my own 'Snowman House of Horror' in the front yard, like Calvin and Hobbes once did. Snowmen in various states of dismemberment and pain, just to let people know not to come and sing carrolls in front of my house.
And then it hits me.
I am the Grinch.
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